The Pitchfork Prophet

Founder, Chief Evangelist, Interim Pope

After founding and successfully exiting from the ACME Digital Anvil Company, the Pitchfork Prophet discovered his true calling: fighting fascists and preaching the gospel of Frontier Social Justice. Balanced on the fulcrum between born-again atheism and all-in polytheism, the Prophet loves coal-black coffee, whiskey with a pickle back, and counterfeit Persian rugs.

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Jordan Lee

Head of Spiritual Accounting, CFO

Renowned for inventive 12-dimensional bookkeeping approaches, micro-finance chicanery, and a soulful stare that triggers a spiritual accounting in all who meet her gaze, Jordan is the sort of lady you want to help you set up your offshore shell companies. And we’ll just leave it at that.

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Bots Vs Trump

Head of Social Media Strategy

BotsVsTrump is a Twitter (only losers call it X) bot that was programmed to battle Donald J. tRUmp, traitors to democracy, and all enemies of We the People. An expert in mean tweets, strategic lurking, and the gathering of receipts, Bots has been in the trenches fighting fascists since God was a boy.

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Rando McGillicutty

HR Lead, Part Cryptid

An expert in micro-aggressions and an autodidact at macrame, Rando loves to talk about his childhood. A lot. He’s still “processing it,” and his therapist thinks it’s a good idea for him to obsess about it at work, apparently.

Once McRando gets going, it’s impossible to get him to stop. Believe me, we’ve tried everything. Best to avoid, if possible.

Rando loves exotic cheeses, although he feels shame about not being fully vegan, and he claims to be one-quarter Denisovan.

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Taylor Morgan

Tech Innovator

Rum-baron Captain Morgan’s great-great-great grand nephew and a whirlwind of rum-fueled, rule-breaking innovation, Captian T is focused on cutting-edge methods and ageless systems that transform the prophet’s earth-shattering ideas into tangible, community-first products and services. Through a blend of radical technology, spiritual enlightenment, and regulatory capture, Taylor is an expert at developing Prophet-inspired digital transformation tools.

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Drinkee McGee

Bartender Bot, Techno Visionary

Drinkee is a hyper-experimental AI-powered bartender. With bottle-inspired vision, this bot knows exactly how to fix what ails you.

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Matías Romero

Customer Specialist, Half Witch

Matias’ core conviction is that the customer is always right. . . except when they are insufferable idiots.

A pioneer in developing anti-MAGA, anti-Russia, anti-plutocracy. algorithmic, AI-enhanced malware, Matias also likes to rescue beached starfish in his free time, what little of it there is.

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Alisha Wong

Role uncertain, seems like a nice person

Everyone agrees: Alisha seems like a nice lady. Everyone is also quite sure they know her, yet no one can remember the last time they actually saw her in person.

So, we’re not sure where Aisha fits into the holy org chart. She has either gone fully remote, sneakily rogue, or perhaps she may even be an AI hallucination. Who can say? These are matters best left for prophets and bishops to sort out. All we can say for sure is that this ghost in the machine knows how to keep her head down and her reputation golden.

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